AngstAThon
by brattax23
Summary: a short piece where the x-men are trying to one up each other on how much their lives suck.


Angst-a-thon  
  
Announcer"  
  
"Let the games begin! The players are Iceman, Cyclops, Beast, Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Psylocke, and Wolverine."  
  
Bobby Drake stood in the middle of room. Lights are dimmed.  
  
Iceman:  
  
"I'll start. My father hates mutants."  
  
Storm:  
  
"At least you have a father. Mine's dead."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"At least you knew your father!"  
  
Gambit and Wolverine nodded in agreement.  
  
Iceman:  
  
"I can't keep a girlfriend."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Oh please. You can' hold a candlelight t' the shit I've put up wit'. I was left t' die by one an' de other tried t' kill me."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"My girlfriend tried to kill me and the other one is married to a dick."  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"I had a clone that turned into a demon."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Ah can't touch anyone."  
  
Beast and Storm:  
  
"I was dumped."  
  
Bobby:  
  
"Okay how about someone took over my body and used my powers far better than I ever had."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Don't even go there."  
  
She pouted lovely Asian lips.  
  
Beast:  
  
"An evil alternate persona of myself lived among you people and no one noticed."  
  
Iceman:  
  
"Okay, last shot. Everyone thinks I'm gay!"  
  
Dead silence.  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Well aren't you?"  
  
Iceman:  
  
"Next!"  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Okay, I have a child older than me."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"At least you can have a child."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"At least you were getting' some t' have de child."  
  
The rest of the male population agreed.  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"My brother tried to kill me."  
  
Storm:  
  
"There is that family thing again."  
  
Gambit and Rogue agreed.  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"My wife has more lives than a cat."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"At least you're married."  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Mister Sinister keeps trying to get a piece of me."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Tell me about 't."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Mystique."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"Sabertooth."  
  
Storm:  
  
"Shadow King."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Crimson Dawn."  
  
Cyclops (shrugging):  
  
"That's the best I can do. Hank?"  
  
Beast:  
  
"I'm big, blue and, furry."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Ah got a skunk stripe down my head."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"I'm just as furry, just not blue."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"I've got red eyes."  
  
The others mumbled, but couldn't come up with anything.  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"Well?"  
  
Beast:  
  
"Um, that's it. Storm?"  
  
Storm:  
  
"I lived on the streets as a child."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"No biggie."  
  
Storm:  
  
"Um, I'm claustrophobic."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"I'm afraid of losing myself to my feral counterpart."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"I'm afraid of losing my identity to my Asian counterpart."  
  
Iceman:  
  
"I'm afraid of getting close to people."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Touching."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Medical labs."  
  
Storm:  
  
"Hell, I was a goddess. Next!"  
  
Gambit:  
  
"I can't remember before I was six."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"Hah. Try before you were forty."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"I live with guilt on my soul."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Self-inflicted."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"No body trusts me."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Self-inflicted."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"I can't touch the girl I love."  
  
Iceman:  
  
"Haven't we been there?"  
  
Gambit:  
  
"LOVE! Hello?! I was thrown out of two adopted families!"  
  
Everyone was silent.  
  
Gambit:  
  
"The guilt's bad isn't 't."  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Let me see. Oh yeah, and nobody likes my cooking."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"Well some people have taste. Next!"  
  
Rogue:  
  
"I have that schizoid thing with Carol Danvers."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Kwannon!"  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"My feral side!"  
  
Gambit:  
  
"And you can't use that touch thing again."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Damn. Well, next."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"I was used as a video camera for Mojo and a host body for an assassin."  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Used as DNA for Sinister."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"Used as a pin cushion for the Canadian government."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"Used as a villain for Mystique."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Used as a peace keeper for the Guild."  
  
Iceman:  
  
"Used as a host body for the White Queen."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Okay, how about going through my nympho period without relief."  
  
Iceman:  
  
"Everyday of my life."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Y' never came t' me."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Men are afraid of me."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Self-inflicted."  
  
Psylocke:  
  
"Next."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"I have no past."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"Take mine."  
  
Rogue:  
  
"And mine."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"These heightened senses really aren't good going into thee bathroom after Hank."  
  
Beast:  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"My skeleton was ripped out of my body."  
  
Silence.  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"The young girls look at me like a daddy figure."  
  
Cyclops:  
  
"Well, my kids look at me as their kid."  
  
Wolverine:  
  
"I question the dream."  
  
Storm:  
  
"Well, duh."  
  
Gambit:  
  
"I'm here for de free rent."  
  
Announcer:  
  
Well it looks like we have a winner.  
  
Jean Grey-Summers  
  
"Hi guys! Can I play?"  
  
Everyone:  
  
NO!! 


End file.
